Been a time since I came here...
Not much has changed on here, but I have.
People sometimes catch me out, when the smiles slip and the mask hangs loose...they ask if I'm okay, so I lie. How would you tell them that you've forgotten happiness without pain, or sadness, or rage. How do you tell anyone? They want you to make them feel good for caring enough to say something, instead I make my friends feel helpless because there isn't much anything they can...all I wanted at the time was for them to pass me a drink and a light and to shut up.
Of course, today is worse than most days, because today I lost another one. I'll be a Dad one day...apparently just not this time either. I'm angry, so dam angry. The first, I understood, but this time...It just feels wrong. No amount of talking can change that.